His One Weakness
by truthseeker97
Summary: "You need to go home and get laid." Malcolm Tucker is not someone to be messed around with. But not even he has a perfect life. Contains masturbation.


**Author's note- ****I don't know what happened or how this happened. A little bit of plot thrown.**

**Warnings for masturbation.**

His One Weakness

Malcolm Tucker was unfuckable. No-one dared bollock him for his bollocking face would suddenly appear, and he would bollock them at least a hundred times worse than normal. To put it simply, Malcolm F Tucker was not one to fuck with. Oh and by the way, the 'F' in his name stands for fucking. Malcolm Fucking Tucker.

It was therefore obvious that everyone in DoSAC- the department of social affairs and citizenship (or as Malcolm liked to call it- the Department of Shit Arses and Cunts) knew not to piss him off. Generally, they stuck to that rule, although now and then someone dared to challenge him- but whoever it was got such a bollocking that they daren't try it again.

Regardless of his fierce exterior- that did extend a little into his interior- Malcolm Tucker wasn't actually a completely horrible guy. As he sat in his office, feet on the desk munching a curly wurly, Sam came in and placed his morning coffee on the table.

"Thanks dear," He mumbled in that Scottish accent of his. Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes and forehead, willing away the headache that was currently pounding his brain.

"Are you alright?" Sam asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Not to be rude dear, but would you piss off and leave me alone?" His voice came across unusually harsh towards Sam. He rarely swore at her and was almost never rude to her, but he just couldn't help it on that day. To her credit, Sam left with no sign of being hurt by his snappy remark.

"Fuck me," Malcolm muttered once the door had been closed. Taking a gulp of his coffee, the Scot stood up just as his phone starting to ring. "What?" He answered.

"Oh, hi Malcolm, good morning to you too," Terri's voice said sarcastically on the other end.

"Do not give me that fucking pile of crap," Malcolm snapped, "What do you want?"

"Just get up here now, Nicola has an interview soon and you said you wanted to help her not to- in your words- 'fuck up.'" Terri sighed.

"Fine." Malcolm hung up and shoved his phone back into his pocket. Draining his mug of coffee, he stormed out of his door and headed up to the DoSAC offices, fiddling with his wedding ring as he walked.

To say that Malcolm seemed stressed was a big, massive, ginormous understatement. As he yelled at Nicola to up her game and stop fucking up, Ollie, Glenn and Terri all exchanged looks. It's not that they hadn't seen him be as violent sounding as then, but it was more that he seemed tired, stressed and more angry than usual.

"Just try not to fucking fuck up the cunting interview or I will fucking come back here, skin you from head to fucking toe and wear your skin as my fucking Halloween costume." Malcolm shouted before striding out of Nicola's office- leaving her pale looking and worried and a little scared from the anger displayed. Running into Nicola's office as soon as Malcolm left, Terri immediately asked:

"What did he say?"

"I don't really know…" Nicola looked a little shocked, "He just swore a lot- and I mean a lot. As in… more than usual." She frowned, "Is Malcolm okay?"

"No idea." Terri shrugged, watching as Nicola put her jacket on.

"Perhaps you should talk to him?" She suggested.

"No! Oh no no no!" Terri shook her head, "You should talk to him."

"He just abused me non-stop; you're the more kind, talking one who he can tell all of his deepest darkest secrets to. Oh go on."

"For goodness sake," Terri grumbled as she went to go find Malcolm before he actually killed somebody.

It hadn't taken long to find him, pacing a deserted corridor, twiddling his ring in his long slender fingers with a stern frown plastered on his face.

"Uh… Malcolm?" Terri approached cautiously, not wanting to be yelled at.

"What do you fucking want now?" Malcolm stopped pacing to glare at her.

"I think we should have a chat." Terri said and without waiting for an answer, she signalled for him to follow her into an isolated office away from people, with no windows for people to look in on them.

"Okay, so now what do you want?" Malcolm seemed on edge.

"I was actually wondering if you were okay," Terri spoke calmly. That made Malcolm hesitate for a moment.

"What do you fucking mean?" His Scottish voice was low and quiet and slightly dangerous sounding.

"You're very on edge, you look exhausted and you look very stressed. Plus I think you made Nicola shit herself." Terri took a seat.

"Good," A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips at her last sentence.

"Malcolm, I'm serious, are you okay? You can tell me."

"I'm fine," He bit out, once again playing with the ring on his left hand.

"You obviously aren't. You might as well tell me because I won't give up." She raised her eyebrows and nodded to his hands, "You're giving it away."

"For fuck sake, why am I being interrogated? How fucking dare you."

"I'm not interrogating you Malcolm I'm questioning how you are." Terri yelled back at him. There was a long silence- eerily long for Malcolm Tucker. He opened his mouth, before running a hand over his face and closing it. He took a seat.

"I'm getting a divorce." He said quietly, not looking at her, but opting to stare at his wedding ring.

"I'm sorry," Terri said sympathetically- although she was extremely surprised by the fact that Malcolm was actually married. "What happened?"

"It all just died out." He waved a hand angrily. "She's gone and fucking found someone else. Apparently I'm not fucking good enough. Said she married me for my money. So she made me sleep on the sofa after an argument at four in the morning in which she demanded a divorce."

"Oh Malcolm…" Terri found herself actually feeling rather sorry for the man.

"Eh don't bother," He shook his head and ran a hand over his eyes, "What's done is done. The cunt's already packed her things- she left this morning to move in with her new man."

"It's not a reflection on you Malcolm."

"Isn't it?" He eyed her sceptically, "I'm not fucking good enough for her. She said I was a useless fucking pile of fucking shit, and that I was little more than a good fuck with good money. I feel like a fucking prostitute." He looked extremely bitter, "For fucks sake. She acted as though I didn't have bloody feelings."

"Malcolm, you know you're better than that- even I think you're better than that." Terri told him.

"Yeah well," He shrugged, "Not much I can do. I did love her." He narrowed his eyes, "If you fucking breathe a fucking word of this to anyone…"

"I won't," Terri smiled.

"I mean, I should have known it was coming," Malcolm was now pouring out his feelings- something he hadn't done in a long long time, "A few months ago the sex just stopped- that was the first clue, right around the time she must have found her other man. Then she stopped showing any affection…" He trailed off.

"You haven't had sex in a few months?" Terri asked. Malcolm frowned and nodded. So Terri continued: "Right Malcolm. You need to go home, and get laid. That will ease some stress."

"I didn't put you down as someone to talk about sex." Malcolm snorted, trying not to laugh.

"Go home, have sex," Terri started again, ignoring Malcolm's comment, "Or have a wank and take the rest of the day off."

"I need to work." Malcolm protested.

"Go! Do what I said!" Terri ordered as they both stood up.

"Alright, fine!" Malcolm grumbled.

"I'm coming round later to talk to you more," Terri told him.

"You want to come round mine?" Malcolm turned to look at her, "Fucking hell."

"Yes if that's alright."

"Fine, whatever, I'll text you my address." Malcolm muttered.

After shooing Malcolm out of the building, with firm orders to go home, Terri sighed. She liked Malcolm. Despite all of his fucking bullshit, he was a decent man. And, she had found out he actually had feelings. Her phone vibrated and she looked at the address that Malcolm Tucker had just sent her, making a promise to herself to visit him later. He needed some normal friends.

Malcolm Tucker immediately went to his bedroom as soon as he had gotten back home. He undid his tie and dropped his briefcase on the floor before proceeding to lie on the large bed. It felt empty without his ex's things in the room. But, he supposed, it was the start of a new beginning.

With slender fingers, he unbuckled his belt, popped the button on his trousers and lowered the zip. He rubbed himself through the clothing, deciding to take Terri's unusual advice. After all, it had been several months…

Feeling himself harden underneath his hand, Malcolm stroked himself through the thin material of his grey boxers, watching as a small damp patch appeared- precome already starting to leak out of his neglected cock. He moaned, it had been too long. Unable to tease himself much longer, he took himself out of his boxers, lowering the clothing. Now fully hard, he held himself in his hand and squeezed lightly. His left hand trailed down to hold his balls, feeling the weight of them as he stroked the skin gently. With his right hand, he touched the head, smearing the precome around the sensitive tip. Gasping slightly as he took a firmer grip, Malcolm started to slowly stroke his cock, moving the foreskin up and down. On every up stroke, he flicked his thumb over the head- the most sensitive part for him. Malcolm moaned quietly, stroking himself faster and faster, unable to hold back any longer. With his left hand, he gripped the sheets as a small bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. Malcolm was now rubbing his cock furiously, the precome flowing, his gasping and moaning get louder. He felt himself getting close. It had been months since his last orgasm. He felt a familiar warm tingling, and the build-up of an oncoming climax. He kept stroking, feeling the overwhelming pleasure slowly consume him, his hips starting to rock back and forth slightly- he was unable to stop himself. With a final flick of his thumb and a couple more strokes, he felt the warm strips of cum shoot out, coating his hand and his clothes. He moaned loudly, the intensity overwhelming him. He kept stroking, the orgasm seeming to go on forever. A few more squirts of cum landed on his hand as he finished, his cock going soft in his hand. Malcolm let out a huge sigh, feeling a lot better and a lot less stressed. He gave his cock one final squeeze before letting it go. Malcolm Tucker breathed heavily, feeling a little light headed at the intensity. Not too long after, he fell asleep.

He woke a few hours later to the sound of knocking on the door. Malcolm jumped out of bed with a start. Pulling on his boxers and trousers roughly, he darted downstairs and opened to the door to find Terri on the other side.

"I did call ahead but you weren't answering," She told him with a smile, "I got worried."

"Oh uh Terri fuck," Malcolm ran a hand through his hair, "Come in," he stepped back to allow Terri to go inside his home. However, Terri smirked at Malcolm and couldn't help but let a little giggle escape her lips.

"I see you took my advice," She raised an eyebrow at him as he shut the door, gesturing her into the living room.

"I'm sorry?" He frowned.

"Your hand," she nodded at it. Malcolm looked at his hand to find dried cum on it, he groaned and closed his eyes in embarrassment. Not looking at Terri, he practically ran off to wash his hands in the kitchen. He returned, looking a little flushed.

"Fuck you," He mumbled.

"It worked though," Terri smirked.

"Fuck you," Malcolm smiled a little. "Tea?"

After several cups of tea and a good gossip about the idiots working at DoSAC and the opposition, Terri gave Malcolm a small smile.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asked delicately.

"Yes," he mumbled, still a little embarrassed.

"Glad I could help."

"You know, you can be a right cunt sometimes, but you're actually not that bad." Malcolm said.

"Aw thanks," Terri said, "You're a cunt most of the time but I now know that underneath all of you bollocking you're actually a decent person… somehow."

Malcolm just smirked at her.


End file.
